Age/sex: 13 year old girl
How many kids are in your family? 3
How many are adopted? 1
Age of adopted sibling(s): 6
How long has your adopted sibling been home? 16 months
Does your adopted sibling have any special needs? Yes, HIV+
What should we know about you?
I am a straight A Honors Student and I play volleyball and tennis
Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
5’4” Brown long hair, lots of freckles on my face, blue eyes, thin, fun, cool and smart
What should we know about your adopted sibling?
He is from Ukraine and thinks he knows everything
What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
I was asked how I would feel if it happened and I knew they had been thinking about it. I started crying, but they comforted me and told me about him and I felt better
What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
I wished it would go faster
What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
I was very happy, excited and overwhelmed
How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
We had to learn to be more patient
What surprised you the most about your sibling?
How fast he learned English
What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
If you want a rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.
Is it different being the sibling of an adopted brother/sister than biological? If yes, how?
Yes, he was six but feels no different than my bio brother.
What do you tell your friends about your sibling?
I don’t really tell them about my brother but they love him. They all knew my parents were adopting so they knew of him.
How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
It’s like a normal brother relationship: We fight but we love each other
Do you like hanging out with your sibling?
Yes
Got any good stories about your sibling?
He will say anything in public.
Can you imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling?
No
Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family?
Kind of
What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
You get more chances to meet new people
What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
You have to learn to cope with them
How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
It’s hard to explain, except I have a new brother.
Do other family members treat your sibling differently? How does that make you feel?
He is 6 so he needs more attention but I understand
What are some words or phrases you use the most?
“seriously”
Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
Yes, I still wouldn’t want to because I feel there is enough of us but It would be easier to say yes than the first time.
Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
He shouted out my mom’s bra size in Victoria Secrets. The whole store heard it and it was really funny but embarrassing.
Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
When he acts like he knows everything and when Mom asks me to help him with homework and he will not do it or even try.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
He can be really cute when he’s not trying
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
When he acts like he knows everything.
Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
Yes. I am more patient and understanding
If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
Abe Lincoln He was pretty cool and a great leader.
How do your friends treat your sibling?
They love him
What annoys you the most about how people treat your sibling?
When he first got home he got all the attention.
If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
Attention span, his “baby” talk and his know it all attitude
What makes you proud of your sibling?
How fast he picked up English and how well he adjusted
What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
When my other brother was born
Do you ever feel invisible?
No
What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
He is funny when he doesn’t try to be
What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
Running low on money for the family, sibling fights
What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
I learned to share more, I learned to be a better team player, I am more patient
If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
For his HIV to go away
Describe a perfect day:
Wake up, breakfast, catch the bus on time, get to school early, hang out with friends till the bell rings, no test in any class, no homework, easy but challenging lessons, ride home on the bus, have a delicious snack, sit on the couch watch TV, my brother’s get home with high behavior marks, we hang out, my dad comes home, we have a delicious supper, then we all set down watch a movie and have popcorn, I go to bed and have sweet dreams.
What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
“Why you have no cow?” by my brother
Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel?
Yes, makes me feel appreciated and valued.
What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
I think they will be successful and we will still see each other on weekends. I’ll be a helpful supporting sister.
If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
I would say it’s going to be okay, you’ll love them once they get here, in a year or two they won’t even think of them as adopted.
What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
I would be kind of scared and reluctant to say yes a second time.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Out of college and at a nice job.
Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
November 27, 2012
November 19, 2012
2
(Names have been changed to protect privacy)
Age/sex: 16 year old girl
How many kids are in your family? Five, ages 7 - 20
How many are adopted? Two
Age of adopted sibling(s): Anna, 12, from Russia and Nina, 7, from Ukraine
How long has your adopted sibling been home? Anna has been home seven yrs. Nina has been home a little over a year and a half.
Does your adopted sibling have any special needs? Anna has Turners Syndrome, and FAE/S. She had RAD when she came home. Nina had/has CranioStinosis, had failure to thrive, had institutional autism, and has developmental delays. She is non-verbal.
What should we know about you?
I’m not very gregarious, and touch is not my primary love language. I have an artistic temperament. I’m rather dramatic--not usually a good thing. I sometimes obsess over things that aren’t worth obsessing over. I’m pretty compassionate: If some one's kid is in the hospital, I immediately ask what to do to help. I’m really good with figuring out Nina. I’m a good physical problem solver. I’m useful with my hands.
Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
Medium height- (five three, or five four). Brown hair, in a braid past my waist, most days. Brown/hazel eyes, nice thick, long eyelashes. A good complexion-not perfect, but good. Nice hairline. A nose that’s a regular nose, but a trifle more prominent than I’d like. Well proportioned lips, crooked teeth, my right lateral incisor esp. A good chin. I think I look pretty sweet, most of the time. I’ve been told I look very Ukrainian. I talk with an English accent.
What should we know about your adopted siblings?
Anna was the favourite in her orphanage group. She thought she could boss the world. She expected everyone to abandon her.She’s a carrier for impetigo. Nina was the underdog in her orphanage group, severely abused, neglected and starved. She is surprised by kindness, and thinks the world a scary place.
What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
With Anna, I was just thrilled to know that I would get a little sibling. My parents tried to explain adoption, and that there would be difficulties, but it went over my head. With Nina, I didn’t want to adopt again. It looked pretty scary. But my mom and dad felt really strongly that God was telling them to do it, so I went along. I don’t think much explaining was necessary.
What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
With Anna, I thought how much fun it would be, to have a little sister. I pictured her out of a story book, with about as much emotional problems as “Anne” in “Anne of Green Gables”. I imagined taking her around by the hand and teaching her English, and comforting her when she had nightmares. My parents, esp. after the first trip, tried to disillusion me, but I had nine years of indoctrination to overcome. Most story-book children don’t have any issues to speak of. I just couldn’t fathom a damaged child. With Nina, I tried to imagine as little as possible. I was older and wiser, and had read true books about hurting kids, and didn’t expect niceness. My mum and dad chose to break the in-country time up into two, so my dad could come back and work. I would go to Ukraine with my mom to brink Nina home. When I saw the first pictures of her, I was horrified. She hadn’t looked so bad in the photo-listing. She looked like a cancer patient.
What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
I was happy to see Anna, but I was happier to see my parents and baby brother again. I thought she was cute. She was. On the outside. I have the moment of meeting Nina on video, and my first words were “She’s so bony!” My mum has a picture of me lifting Nina into the air, lion-king style, and we’re both smiling. She put it on FB, and everyone was like “Aww, love at first sight!” I didn’t say so on FB--let them keep their bubble--but I totally did NOT love her! She was just a scrawny kid with a mis-shapen head.. I lifted her up because she was so light, and I didn’t know what else to do with her.
How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
It was all roses with Anna on the way home from the airport, until five minutes were up and she wanted to unbuckle. Then I was treated to constant screaming for the whole hour ride home. It foreshadowed things to come: A manipulative, hurting, independent kid who seemed to *want* you to dump her, and would do everything in her power to try to get you to do it. It didn’t change so very drastically when Nina came home: I had a few weeks in country to get used to her. But it was like having a baby with the height and motor skills of a seven year old. The screaming was hard, though. The worst thing was her aggression towards my brother, to the point of blood.
What surprised you the most about your sibling?
How cutesy Anna could be to someone outside the family, and how devilish to us. She was the complete opposite of my dream. It hurt worse than getting just socks for Christmas, but it was something like that. I was surprised how *happy* Nina was, even though her stress level was incredibly high. Also that she was frightened of pigeons.
What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
I was really upset one night, when Nina woke me up screaming hysterically. I was so, so angry. And I was like “God!” That’s all I could pray. And He said “Do you love her?” I said yes, because I do. And He said “Then lay down your life for her.” And made me to understand that the way to do this more than once was to not place my quality of life above hers. To lay down my quality of life.
Is it different being the sibling of an adopted brother/sister than biological? If yes, how?
It’s different because I don’t understand their history. Anna esp, because of her FAE/S can’t consciously remember anything about her past. She just reacts to it. So it looks like a really random response. With Nina, we can at least play “20 questions” to a limited extent, with her signing “yes” and “no”.
What do you tell your friends about your sibling?
I don’t really explain Anna’s being adopted to anyone: I don’t usually think about it. I might say that she’s forgetful, or brag on her skills as a teacher. She taught my little brother to ride bike on a gravel drive, uphill, in the middle of winter! Nina requires more explaining, because she acts and looks more a-typical. I say she was adopted from Ukraine, where she was abused and neglected, and at age six a little over a year ago was wearing size 3t clothing, and they bagged on her.
How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
I don’t like Anna, and it shows. I find her annoying and stupid. Her love language is defiantly touch, and while I’m fine with a good, solid hug and kiss, there’s something sticky about her affection. When she cries, I usually think she’s faking it. I don’t trust her. And her FAE/S doesn’t help matters. I have a hard time beating it through my head that the sabotage, the lying, the manipulation and everything was because she was hurting. I’m trying to love her, with God’s help, but progress is slow. Nina is more like what I dreamed Anna would be like. Not that being lifted out of bed at two in the morning by a kid having a flash-back is fun: or holding a shaking kid, whose climbing your head and screaming at the top of her lungs because she saw a gnat: But there is no artifice about Nina. The hardest time to love her was she was hurting my brother to the point of blood , because I love him, too.
Do you like hanging out with your sibling? Anna? Not really. I will watch a video with her, or help her with her drawing or music, though. I can’t really “hang out” with Nina, yet.
Got any good stories about your sibling?
Before her second Christmas with us, Anna was pestering us about what she would get. She was *wriggling* with curiosity. And so we all began to tease her, saying that all she’d get was a paperclip. She didn’t believe us! She said we’d never, ever give her a paperclip, we wouldn’t *dare*. So we promptly decided among ourselves to do just that. Come Christmas Day, she was very smug to see that she had multiple gifts, and none of them paperclip sized. After she had opened all her presents, we handed her one last package, a small gift bag. She was so shocked and flabbergasted to find a paperclip among the tissue paper! It was priceless, and started a new tradition. She pretends to be annoyed about it, but she’d be disappointed if we didn’t deliver. Last year I gave her a beaded keychain with a paperclip on the end.
Can you imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling?
I can’t really imagine life without Anna, she’s been with us so long. I know we wouldn’t have staph and strep as often as we do: She’s a carrier for impetigo. But my brother wouldn’t have a playmate, either. And if we hadn’t adopted her, she’d be in a mental institution or dead. Also, she’s teaching me that love is a choice. Our lives would definitely be *a lot* easier without Nina, but we love her to pieces. I don’t think I’d be as mature as I am if we hadn’t adopted. I’ve learned a lot about patience that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.
What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
When I was going through an unbelievably difficult time in my life, when I was 11 or 12 or so, a boy in my Sunday-School class complimented my artistic skills several times, without being the least bit silly about it. It was an encouraging word when I needed it most.
Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family?
With Anna, NO! Not so hard with Nina.
What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
If it’s an international adoption, you get to learn a lot about another culture. I even got to go to Ukraine, and I know some Russian. Because of Anna’s being adopted from Russia, our whole family got to attend an Easter party at the Russian Embassy in Washington D.C. If your sibling has a disability, you’ll probably learn a lot of medical terms. Because Nina is nonverbal, I know 60-some words in ASL, which counts as a 2nd language. Because of her Craniostinosis, I also got to meet Dr. Ben Carson, who is possibly the most famous neurosurgeon in the world. He even has his own movie, “Gifted Hands”. I have learned not to immediately assume bad parenting whenever I see a poorly behaved child.
What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
They naturally get a lot of attention, esp. at first. If they have a disability, they get even more. If you need attention, talk to your parents about it, don’t act out. Also, you and your family have to clean up whatever mess other people have made of your new sibling’s life. Like if someone convinced them that goldfish are dangerous, you’re going to have to deal with that.
How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
When we adopted Anna, I went in 6 months from being the youngest, to being one of the two oldest, on account of my brother being born. My life was in such upheaval, I hardly remember everything that changed with her addition. But I remember there was a lot more stress. Our life changed with Nina, because she required constant supervision. Think of a baby or toddler, on legs. And she was so mean to my brother, trying to defend her “territory”, that being mom and dad, that it altered his personality. We’ve always homeschooled, but we had to send her to Public School just to give him a break. Our lives pretty much revolve around Nina. When she’s home, we don’t get out much, and we have to check on her every five minutes or so. Almost all our conversations are about Nina.
Do other family members treat your sibling differently?
Not really. I mean, they have some issues that no one else in our family has, not because they were adopted, but because they had to wait so long before being adopted. So they react to things differently than my bio siblings do. Nina has a fear of being usurped from her place of love in our lives; Anna has a fear of not being in control.
What are some words or phrases you use the most?
My parents say I don’t have anything like that.
Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
For Anna, totally. A little less amused, more horrified. But I couldn’t even comprehend that level of hurt. For Nina, that was only a year and a half ago: I haven’t changed that much. If I had known, though, how hard it would be to be her big sister, I might have been more reluctant. But I would have still helped out, because God told my parents that she was the one, and it doesn’t really work to fight God.
Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
I don’t really find Nina embarrassing. YES for Anna! She asks questions way below her age level, without thinking about the answer.It’s probably her FAE/S, but still embarrassing. And whenever she’s excited or thoughtful she quivers and kneads her nose with her knuckles. Which can be pretty gross, because she gets impetigo whenever her immune system is stressed, and she’s not always good about wiping her nose.
Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
Anna doesn’t listen to advice. She has to find things out herself. I feel frustrated with Nina when I can’t figure out why she’s fussing. And when she tucks things away because she thinks she’s cleaning up, and we can’t find them. We’ve lost library books.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
Because of Anna's FAE/S memory issues, she’s really easy to surprise. Nina is very anxious if any of our buttons need buttoning. I was sick, one time, and she comes over and puts socks on my feet and snaps up my house-coat and worried that the snaps weren’t closer together. She’s so maternal, that way.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
Anna gets impetigo when her immune system gets stressed. Usually it’s her fault; she snuck some dairy, or wouldn’t sleep, or didn’t take her supplements. And whenever she gets impetigo, I get cold sores, and sore throats, and we all get staph related infections. And what makes me mad is that when we try to talk to her about it, and try to teach her habits to keep her from infecting us, she bursts into tears and wails that it isn’t her fault, and why does she have to get impetigo, and stop it we’re making her cry. >sigh<
Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
I’ve been forced to learn to be more tolerant than I would have been otherwise.
If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
If you’re excluding Deity, I’d pick Benjaman Franklin. I’d give him a piece of my mind regarding Daylight Savings Time.
How do your friends treat your sibling?
My friends all pray for Nina. They don’t have so much to do with Anna.
What annoys you the most about how people treat your sibling?
It doesn’t happen anymore, but for a while my best friend seemed to like Anna more than me. It really made me mad; I was so insecure.
If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
Anna wouldn’t have FAE/S. And Nina would talk.
What makes you proud of your sibling?
Anna is a *great* teacher. She teaches my brother to read by playing school! Nina is a great helper in the kitchen. She loves to work.
What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
My little brother being born.
Do you ever feel invisible?
Not for about a year now.
What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
Anna never gets the stomach bug. Nina is so happy, usually.
What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
The problems they have that other people caused.
What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
Love is a choice.
If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
That Anna would learn to take advice. If she would, she could be nearly anything. That Nina would learn to talk.
Describe a perfect day:
I have so many lovely things I like doing,that I don’t think I could condense them into one day. Probably it would have lots of being outside, a “Libera” concert, chocolate cake, and thrift/vintage shopping.
What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
It isn’t exactly a question, but I’ve been assumed to be Nina’s mother.
Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel? Definitely with Nina. I like being a part of their discussions. I end up babysitting a lot, so we all need to be on the same page. Not so much with Anna. I’m sort of nosy, so I’d like to know what they’re talking about.
What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
As I said before, If Anna would learn to listen to advice, she could go far. She wants to be a physical therapist, and work with little kids. I don’t think I’ll have to do much for her. Even if Nina would never learn to talk, she’s smart enough that she could easily be a kitchen helper. She could live fairly independently, I think. I’ll help her as much as I have to.
If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
I’d be incredulous: My best friends parents don’t want to adopt. But I’d tell her not to expect a perfect sibling; but neither to expect a heathen. I’d say that love is a choice, and don’t expect to feel loving the first six months.
What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
I’d sigh, and ask who?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
The world is changing so rapidly, It’s hard for me to make any accurate predictions.
What’s the one question we should’ve asked but didn’t?
Would we ever want to adopt a child ourselves?
Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
“It is better to be late than Late” ~Mma Ramotswe, The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency
“Men of God are without nationality and shouldn’t be confused with the governments they are said to represent.”~Father, The Road From Home
Age/sex: 16 year old girl
How many kids are in your family? Five, ages 7 - 20
How many are adopted? Two
Age of adopted sibling(s): Anna, 12, from Russia and Nina, 7, from Ukraine
How long has your adopted sibling been home? Anna has been home seven yrs. Nina has been home a little over a year and a half.
Does your adopted sibling have any special needs? Anna has Turners Syndrome, and FAE/S. She had RAD when she came home. Nina had/has CranioStinosis, had failure to thrive, had institutional autism, and has developmental delays. She is non-verbal.
What should we know about you?
I’m not very gregarious, and touch is not my primary love language. I have an artistic temperament. I’m rather dramatic--not usually a good thing. I sometimes obsess over things that aren’t worth obsessing over. I’m pretty compassionate: If some one's kid is in the hospital, I immediately ask what to do to help. I’m really good with figuring out Nina. I’m a good physical problem solver. I’m useful with my hands.
Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
Medium height- (five three, or five four). Brown hair, in a braid past my waist, most days. Brown/hazel eyes, nice thick, long eyelashes. A good complexion-not perfect, but good. Nice hairline. A nose that’s a regular nose, but a trifle more prominent than I’d like. Well proportioned lips, crooked teeth, my right lateral incisor esp. A good chin. I think I look pretty sweet, most of the time. I’ve been told I look very Ukrainian. I talk with an English accent.
What should we know about your adopted siblings?
Anna was the favourite in her orphanage group. She thought she could boss the world. She expected everyone to abandon her.She’s a carrier for impetigo. Nina was the underdog in her orphanage group, severely abused, neglected and starved. She is surprised by kindness, and thinks the world a scary place.
What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
With Anna, I was just thrilled to know that I would get a little sibling. My parents tried to explain adoption, and that there would be difficulties, but it went over my head. With Nina, I didn’t want to adopt again. It looked pretty scary. But my mom and dad felt really strongly that God was telling them to do it, so I went along. I don’t think much explaining was necessary.
What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
With Anna, I thought how much fun it would be, to have a little sister. I pictured her out of a story book, with about as much emotional problems as “Anne” in “Anne of Green Gables”. I imagined taking her around by the hand and teaching her English, and comforting her when she had nightmares. My parents, esp. after the first trip, tried to disillusion me, but I had nine years of indoctrination to overcome. Most story-book children don’t have any issues to speak of. I just couldn’t fathom a damaged child. With Nina, I tried to imagine as little as possible. I was older and wiser, and had read true books about hurting kids, and didn’t expect niceness. My mum and dad chose to break the in-country time up into two, so my dad could come back and work. I would go to Ukraine with my mom to brink Nina home. When I saw the first pictures of her, I was horrified. She hadn’t looked so bad in the photo-listing. She looked like a cancer patient.
What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
I was happy to see Anna, but I was happier to see my parents and baby brother again. I thought she was cute. She was. On the outside. I have the moment of meeting Nina on video, and my first words were “She’s so bony!” My mum has a picture of me lifting Nina into the air, lion-king style, and we’re both smiling. She put it on FB, and everyone was like “Aww, love at first sight!” I didn’t say so on FB--let them keep their bubble--but I totally did NOT love her! She was just a scrawny kid with a mis-shapen head.. I lifted her up because she was so light, and I didn’t know what else to do with her.
How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
It was all roses with Anna on the way home from the airport, until five minutes were up and she wanted to unbuckle. Then I was treated to constant screaming for the whole hour ride home. It foreshadowed things to come: A manipulative, hurting, independent kid who seemed to *want* you to dump her, and would do everything in her power to try to get you to do it. It didn’t change so very drastically when Nina came home: I had a few weeks in country to get used to her. But it was like having a baby with the height and motor skills of a seven year old. The screaming was hard, though. The worst thing was her aggression towards my brother, to the point of blood.
What surprised you the most about your sibling?
How cutesy Anna could be to someone outside the family, and how devilish to us. She was the complete opposite of my dream. It hurt worse than getting just socks for Christmas, but it was something like that. I was surprised how *happy* Nina was, even though her stress level was incredibly high. Also that she was frightened of pigeons.
What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
I was really upset one night, when Nina woke me up screaming hysterically. I was so, so angry. And I was like “God!” That’s all I could pray. And He said “Do you love her?” I said yes, because I do. And He said “Then lay down your life for her.” And made me to understand that the way to do this more than once was to not place my quality of life above hers. To lay down my quality of life.
Is it different being the sibling of an adopted brother/sister than biological? If yes, how?
It’s different because I don’t understand their history. Anna esp, because of her FAE/S can’t consciously remember anything about her past. She just reacts to it. So it looks like a really random response. With Nina, we can at least play “20 questions” to a limited extent, with her signing “yes” and “no”.
What do you tell your friends about your sibling?
I don’t really explain Anna’s being adopted to anyone: I don’t usually think about it. I might say that she’s forgetful, or brag on her skills as a teacher. She taught my little brother to ride bike on a gravel drive, uphill, in the middle of winter! Nina requires more explaining, because she acts and looks more a-typical. I say she was adopted from Ukraine, where she was abused and neglected, and at age six a little over a year ago was wearing size 3t clothing, and they bagged on her.
How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
I don’t like Anna, and it shows. I find her annoying and stupid. Her love language is defiantly touch, and while I’m fine with a good, solid hug and kiss, there’s something sticky about her affection. When she cries, I usually think she’s faking it. I don’t trust her. And her FAE/S doesn’t help matters. I have a hard time beating it through my head that the sabotage, the lying, the manipulation and everything was because she was hurting. I’m trying to love her, with God’s help, but progress is slow. Nina is more like what I dreamed Anna would be like. Not that being lifted out of bed at two in the morning by a kid having a flash-back is fun: or holding a shaking kid, whose climbing your head and screaming at the top of her lungs because she saw a gnat: But there is no artifice about Nina. The hardest time to love her was she was hurting my brother to the point of blood , because I love him, too.
Do you like hanging out with your sibling? Anna? Not really. I will watch a video with her, or help her with her drawing or music, though. I can’t really “hang out” with Nina, yet.
Got any good stories about your sibling?
Before her second Christmas with us, Anna was pestering us about what she would get. She was *wriggling* with curiosity. And so we all began to tease her, saying that all she’d get was a paperclip. She didn’t believe us! She said we’d never, ever give her a paperclip, we wouldn’t *dare*. So we promptly decided among ourselves to do just that. Come Christmas Day, she was very smug to see that she had multiple gifts, and none of them paperclip sized. After she had opened all her presents, we handed her one last package, a small gift bag. She was so shocked and flabbergasted to find a paperclip among the tissue paper! It was priceless, and started a new tradition. She pretends to be annoyed about it, but she’d be disappointed if we didn’t deliver. Last year I gave her a beaded keychain with a paperclip on the end.
Can you imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling?
I can’t really imagine life without Anna, she’s been with us so long. I know we wouldn’t have staph and strep as often as we do: She’s a carrier for impetigo. But my brother wouldn’t have a playmate, either. And if we hadn’t adopted her, she’d be in a mental institution or dead. Also, she’s teaching me that love is a choice. Our lives would definitely be *a lot* easier without Nina, but we love her to pieces. I don’t think I’d be as mature as I am if we hadn’t adopted. I’ve learned a lot about patience that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.
What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
When I was going through an unbelievably difficult time in my life, when I was 11 or 12 or so, a boy in my Sunday-School class complimented my artistic skills several times, without being the least bit silly about it. It was an encouraging word when I needed it most.
Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family?
With Anna, NO! Not so hard with Nina.
What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
If it’s an international adoption, you get to learn a lot about another culture. I even got to go to Ukraine, and I know some Russian. Because of Anna’s being adopted from Russia, our whole family got to attend an Easter party at the Russian Embassy in Washington D.C. If your sibling has a disability, you’ll probably learn a lot of medical terms. Because Nina is nonverbal, I know 60-some words in ASL, which counts as a 2nd language. Because of her Craniostinosis, I also got to meet Dr. Ben Carson, who is possibly the most famous neurosurgeon in the world. He even has his own movie, “Gifted Hands”. I have learned not to immediately assume bad parenting whenever I see a poorly behaved child.
What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
They naturally get a lot of attention, esp. at first. If they have a disability, they get even more. If you need attention, talk to your parents about it, don’t act out. Also, you and your family have to clean up whatever mess other people have made of your new sibling’s life. Like if someone convinced them that goldfish are dangerous, you’re going to have to deal with that.
How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
When we adopted Anna, I went in 6 months from being the youngest, to being one of the two oldest, on account of my brother being born. My life was in such upheaval, I hardly remember everything that changed with her addition. But I remember there was a lot more stress. Our life changed with Nina, because she required constant supervision. Think of a baby or toddler, on legs. And she was so mean to my brother, trying to defend her “territory”, that being mom and dad, that it altered his personality. We’ve always homeschooled, but we had to send her to Public School just to give him a break. Our lives pretty much revolve around Nina. When she’s home, we don’t get out much, and we have to check on her every five minutes or so. Almost all our conversations are about Nina.
Do other family members treat your sibling differently?
Not really. I mean, they have some issues that no one else in our family has, not because they were adopted, but because they had to wait so long before being adopted. So they react to things differently than my bio siblings do. Nina has a fear of being usurped from her place of love in our lives; Anna has a fear of not being in control.
What are some words or phrases you use the most?
My parents say I don’t have anything like that.
Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
For Anna, totally. A little less amused, more horrified. But I couldn’t even comprehend that level of hurt. For Nina, that was only a year and a half ago: I haven’t changed that much. If I had known, though, how hard it would be to be her big sister, I might have been more reluctant. But I would have still helped out, because God told my parents that she was the one, and it doesn’t really work to fight God.
Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
I don’t really find Nina embarrassing. YES for Anna! She asks questions way below her age level, without thinking about the answer.It’s probably her FAE/S, but still embarrassing. And whenever she’s excited or thoughtful she quivers and kneads her nose with her knuckles. Which can be pretty gross, because she gets impetigo whenever her immune system is stressed, and she’s not always good about wiping her nose.
Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
Anna doesn’t listen to advice. She has to find things out herself. I feel frustrated with Nina when I can’t figure out why she’s fussing. And when she tucks things away because she thinks she’s cleaning up, and we can’t find them. We’ve lost library books.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
Because of Anna's FAE/S memory issues, she’s really easy to surprise. Nina is very anxious if any of our buttons need buttoning. I was sick, one time, and she comes over and puts socks on my feet and snaps up my house-coat and worried that the snaps weren’t closer together. She’s so maternal, that way.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
Anna gets impetigo when her immune system gets stressed. Usually it’s her fault; she snuck some dairy, or wouldn’t sleep, or didn’t take her supplements. And whenever she gets impetigo, I get cold sores, and sore throats, and we all get staph related infections. And what makes me mad is that when we try to talk to her about it, and try to teach her habits to keep her from infecting us, she bursts into tears and wails that it isn’t her fault, and why does she have to get impetigo, and stop it we’re making her cry. >sigh<
Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
I’ve been forced to learn to be more tolerant than I would have been otherwise.
If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
If you’re excluding Deity, I’d pick Benjaman Franklin. I’d give him a piece of my mind regarding Daylight Savings Time.
How do your friends treat your sibling?
My friends all pray for Nina. They don’t have so much to do with Anna.
What annoys you the most about how people treat your sibling?
It doesn’t happen anymore, but for a while my best friend seemed to like Anna more than me. It really made me mad; I was so insecure.
If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
Anna wouldn’t have FAE/S. And Nina would talk.
What makes you proud of your sibling?
Anna is a *great* teacher. She teaches my brother to read by playing school! Nina is a great helper in the kitchen. She loves to work.
What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
My little brother being born.
Do you ever feel invisible?
Not for about a year now.
What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
Anna never gets the stomach bug. Nina is so happy, usually.
What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
The problems they have that other people caused.
What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
Love is a choice.
If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
That Anna would learn to take advice. If she would, she could be nearly anything. That Nina would learn to talk.
Describe a perfect day:
I have so many lovely things I like doing,that I don’t think I could condense them into one day. Probably it would have lots of being outside, a “Libera” concert, chocolate cake, and thrift/vintage shopping.
What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
It isn’t exactly a question, but I’ve been assumed to be Nina’s mother.
Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel? Definitely with Nina. I like being a part of their discussions. I end up babysitting a lot, so we all need to be on the same page. Not so much with Anna. I’m sort of nosy, so I’d like to know what they’re talking about.
What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
As I said before, If Anna would learn to listen to advice, she could go far. She wants to be a physical therapist, and work with little kids. I don’t think I’ll have to do much for her. Even if Nina would never learn to talk, she’s smart enough that she could easily be a kitchen helper. She could live fairly independently, I think. I’ll help her as much as I have to.
If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
I’d be incredulous: My best friends parents don’t want to adopt. But I’d tell her not to expect a perfect sibling; but neither to expect a heathen. I’d say that love is a choice, and don’t expect to feel loving the first six months.
What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
I’d sigh, and ask who?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
The world is changing so rapidly, It’s hard for me to make any accurate predictions.
What’s the one question we should’ve asked but didn’t?
Would we ever want to adopt a child ourselves?
Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
“It is better to be late than Late” ~Mma Ramotswe, The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency
“Men of God are without nationality and shouldn’t be confused with the governments they are said to represent.”~Father, The Road From Home
November 17, 2012
1
Age/sex: 13 year old girl
How many kids are in your family? 4; 2 girls, and 2 boys
How many are adopted? 1 girl
Age of adopted sibling(s): 7
How long has your adopted sibling been home? A little over 1 year
What should we know about you?
I love reading and knitting and acting, and I love hanging out with my friends.
Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
I am probably average height and weight for a girl my age. I have long dirty blonde hair (it isn't actually dirty, that's just what it's called) and hazel eyes.
What should we know about your adopted sibling?
She has Cerebral Palsy, which is a brain damage. She couldn't walk until a little before my parents went to get her. And she was adopted from Ukraine.
What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
I was like, "Awesome, I'll finally have a sister!" I didn't really think about the CP that much. I just thought, so what?
What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
I felt really excited! And I couldn't wait to actually meet her face-to-face instead of just on Skype.
What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
I thought she was really cute, and I was excited to bring her home to see her room and the house and all that.
How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
Well, our whole family couldn't really do things together as much, because she had to be in bed by a certain time or else she would get really disobedient. But whenever she went to bed after it had been a bad day, we would all be like, "yay! She's finally in bed!"
What surprised you the most about your sibling?
I guess her walking. I mean, I knew she had a disability and that she couldn't walk as well as some other people, but I didn't think it was going to be as bad as it was.
What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
My mom has given me a lot of good advice about what to do in certain situations.
Is it different being the sibling of an adopted brother/sister than biological? If yes, how?
Yes, definitely! She talks with an accent, and none of us do. But it's also different because since she's so much younger than we are she doesn't understand how to play some of the games that we all love to play.
What do you tell your friends about your sibling?
We don't really talk about her, unless like I say that she's had a bad week or something.
How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
It's okay. It's not as good as my relationship with my biological bros, but I've known them all of my life!
Do you like hanging out with your sibling?
It depends on what we're doing. Some things are really fun with her, but other times she just gets in the way.
What is your favorite memory of your adopted sibling?
Probably when I first met her at the airport. I was so excited!!
Can you imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling?
Not really. I mean, life right now is normal. Sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like if she didn't have disability, but I know that can never happen.
What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
Lots of people give me nice compliments, so it's hard to pick out which are the nicest.
Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family?
It was kinda hard at first, but it got easier.
What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
You can pick how old you want the child to be, or gender or something like that, and then once he/she is home, you (depending on how bad the disability is) might get to park in a handicapped spot in a parking lot so you don't have to walk as far.
What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
How many kids are in your family? 4; 2 girls, and 2 boys
How many are adopted? 1 girl
Age of adopted sibling(s): 7
How long has your adopted sibling been home? A little over 1 year
What should we know about you?
I love reading and knitting and acting, and I love hanging out with my friends.
Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
I am probably average height and weight for a girl my age. I have long dirty blonde hair (it isn't actually dirty, that's just what it's called) and hazel eyes.
What should we know about your adopted sibling?
She has Cerebral Palsy, which is a brain damage. She couldn't walk until a little before my parents went to get her. And she was adopted from Ukraine.
What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
I was like, "Awesome, I'll finally have a sister!" I didn't really think about the CP that much. I just thought, so what?
What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
I felt really excited! And I couldn't wait to actually meet her face-to-face instead of just on Skype.
What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
I thought she was really cute, and I was excited to bring her home to see her room and the house and all that.
How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
Well, our whole family couldn't really do things together as much, because she had to be in bed by a certain time or else she would get really disobedient. But whenever she went to bed after it had been a bad day, we would all be like, "yay! She's finally in bed!"
What surprised you the most about your sibling?
I guess her walking. I mean, I knew she had a disability and that she couldn't walk as well as some other people, but I didn't think it was going to be as bad as it was.
What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
My mom has given me a lot of good advice about what to do in certain situations.
Is it different being the sibling of an adopted brother/sister than biological? If yes, how?
Yes, definitely! She talks with an accent, and none of us do. But it's also different because since she's so much younger than we are she doesn't understand how to play some of the games that we all love to play.
What do you tell your friends about your sibling?
We don't really talk about her, unless like I say that she's had a bad week or something.
How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
It's okay. It's not as good as my relationship with my biological bros, but I've known them all of my life!
Do you like hanging out with your sibling?
It depends on what we're doing. Some things are really fun with her, but other times she just gets in the way.
What is your favorite memory of your adopted sibling?
Probably when I first met her at the airport. I was so excited!!
Can you imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling?
Not really. I mean, life right now is normal. Sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like if she didn't have disability, but I know that can never happen.
What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
Lots of people give me nice compliments, so it's hard to pick out which are the nicest.
Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family?
It was kinda hard at first, but it got easier.
What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
You can pick how old you want the child to be, or gender or something like that, and then once he/she is home, you (depending on how bad the disability is) might get to park in a handicapped spot in a parking lot so you don't have to walk as far.
What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
Well, (if they have a disability) you can't really play normal games, because they can't run/walk very good, or people at stores or something will look at him/her weird.
How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
Well, we're more limited now than we were, as to what we can do.
If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
I would take away her disability.
What are some words or phrases you use the most?
With my friends I say things like, 'I know, right?' Or 'Oh my goodness' and things like that.
Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
It depends on if the child had a disability or not.
Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
She has a couple times, like when I'm talking to someone about something private, and she comes over and hears the last couple of words and then she starts asking people what it means and stuff like that.
Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
Yes, she does. Like sometimes she comes into my room, and I usually let her stay in there for a little bit, but then when I ask her to get out she usually doesn't, and that gets annoying.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
Yeah, like the way she pronounces some of her words, or some things that she has said before are funny!!
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
There probably is, but I can't think of anything right now.
Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
Probably. One of my friends dad said that he was surprised at how calm and patient I was after being seated next to his baby boy on an hour long trip while he was crying, and I wouldn't have really thought of myself as being that patient before we brought my sister home.
If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
Probably someone from the bible. I don't really know who or why though.......
How do your friends treat your sibling?
They treat her how they treat other kids her age.
What annoys you the most about how people treat your sibling?
I don't like it sometimes when people say, "how is your sister?" And then they don't ask how I'm doing.
Do you ever wish you were adopted so your parents would give you more attention?
No, I've never thought that. I have wished that they would give me more attention a couple of times, though.
Do your relatives treat your adopted sibling differently than you? How does that make you feel?
A little, but that could be because I'm 13 and she's 7. They also know that she can't go as fast as her cousins so they try to pick different games, if they're picking at all. And sometimes they can't understand what she said, so they need a 'translator'. It makes me feel fine. If I had been adopted then I probably would want them to treatment the same way!
What makes you proud of your sibling?
When she walks really well.
What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
When I was born was a pretty happy time! But another one was when someone that I had just met said I was pretty. I didn't really know what to say to her after that, so I just said thanks.
Do you ever feel invisible?
I have at some times, and other times I wish I was.
What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
I finally have a sister!
What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
When she cries and screams like a little baby.
What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
Stay very calm at all times when you're talking to them when they're little.
If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
That she could live a happy, normal life.
Describe a perfect day:
I would wake up feeling rested, and then I would go to the kitchen and find that my brother had made me pancakes (or waffles) for breakfast! And there would be no school. And maybe my sister could go play at her friends house so that the rest of us could go on a long walk in perfect weather. And then some of my friends would come to my house and spend the night!
What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
"What's wrong with her legs?" Is a pretty common question.
Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel?
Yes, they do. I'm glad that they do!
What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
I think she will be a veterinarian, and I might help out on some days!
Is there anything you wish your parents had done differently in regards to the adoption?
No, I think they did fine!
If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
I'd think, awesome! Now you will know what I've been going through! I'd probably say, "there are going to be some bad days, and some good ones, but in the end it will be awesome!"
What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
I'd probably think, "okay, just not another kid with a disability."
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I'd probably be a teacher in an awesome school teaching a class for 2nd graders (maybe) and perhaps married or engaged.
Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17
How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
Well, we're more limited now than we were, as to what we can do.
If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
I would take away her disability.
What are some words or phrases you use the most?
With my friends I say things like, 'I know, right?' Or 'Oh my goodness' and things like that.
Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
It depends on if the child had a disability or not.
Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
She has a couple times, like when I'm talking to someone about something private, and she comes over and hears the last couple of words and then she starts asking people what it means and stuff like that.
Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
Yes, she does. Like sometimes she comes into my room, and I usually let her stay in there for a little bit, but then when I ask her to get out she usually doesn't, and that gets annoying.
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
Yeah, like the way she pronounces some of her words, or some things that she has said before are funny!!
Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
There probably is, but I can't think of anything right now.
Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
Probably. One of my friends dad said that he was surprised at how calm and patient I was after being seated next to his baby boy on an hour long trip while he was crying, and I wouldn't have really thought of myself as being that patient before we brought my sister home.
If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
Probably someone from the bible. I don't really know who or why though.......
How do your friends treat your sibling?
They treat her how they treat other kids her age.
What annoys you the most about how people treat your sibling?
I don't like it sometimes when people say, "how is your sister?" And then they don't ask how I'm doing.
Do you ever wish you were adopted so your parents would give you more attention?
No, I've never thought that. I have wished that they would give me more attention a couple of times, though.
Do your relatives treat your adopted sibling differently than you? How does that make you feel?
A little, but that could be because I'm 13 and she's 7. They also know that she can't go as fast as her cousins so they try to pick different games, if they're picking at all. And sometimes they can't understand what she said, so they need a 'translator'. It makes me feel fine. If I had been adopted then I probably would want them to treatment the same way!
What makes you proud of your sibling?
When she walks really well.
What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
When I was born was a pretty happy time! But another one was when someone that I had just met said I was pretty. I didn't really know what to say to her after that, so I just said thanks.
Do you ever feel invisible?
I have at some times, and other times I wish I was.
What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
I finally have a sister!
What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
When she cries and screams like a little baby.
What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
Stay very calm at all times when you're talking to them when they're little.
If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
That she could live a happy, normal life.
Describe a perfect day:
I would wake up feeling rested, and then I would go to the kitchen and find that my brother had made me pancakes (or waffles) for breakfast! And there would be no school. And maybe my sister could go play at her friends house so that the rest of us could go on a long walk in perfect weather. And then some of my friends would come to my house and spend the night!
What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
"What's wrong with her legs?" Is a pretty common question.
Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel?
Yes, they do. I'm glad that they do!
What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
I think she will be a veterinarian, and I might help out on some days!
Is there anything you wish your parents had done differently in regards to the adoption?
No, I think they did fine!
If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
I'd think, awesome! Now you will know what I've been going through! I'd probably say, "there are going to be some bad days, and some good ones, but in the end it will be awesome!"
What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
I'd probably think, "okay, just not another kid with a disability."
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I'd probably be a teacher in an awesome school teaching a class for 2nd graders (maybe) and perhaps married or engaged.
Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17
November 14, 2012
Getting Started
Hi everyone! We will begin sharing interviews on the 17th, which is National Adoption Day! We are very excited about hearing from a few kids already, but would LOVE to hear from others! If you have an adopted sibling, please consider telling us about what it's like for you.
Name: (real names will not be used publicly...we've been changing the names to protect the privacy of all the kids.)
Age:
How many kids are in your family?
How many are adopted?
Age of adopted sibling(s):
How long has your adopted sibling been home?
Does your adopted sibling have any special needs?
1. What should we know about you?
2. Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
3. What should we know about your adopted sibling?
4. What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
5. What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
6. What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
7. How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
8. What surprised you the most about your sibling?
9. What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
10. Is it different having an adopted sibling than a biological one? If yes, how?
11. How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
12. Do you like hanging out with your sibling?
13. What is your favorite memory of your sibling?
14. Do you ever imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling? If yes, what do you think about?
15. What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
16. Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family? Why or why not?
17. What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
18. What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
19. How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
20. Do other family members treat your sibling differently? How does that make you feel?
21. What are some words or phrases you use the most?
22. Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
23. Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
24. Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
25. Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
26. Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
27. Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
28. If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
29. How do your friends treat your sibling?
30. What annoys you the most (if anything) about how people treat your sibling?
31. Do you think you’ll ever adopt a child?
32. If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
33. What makes you proud of your sibling?
34. What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
35. Do you ever feel invisible?
36. What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
37. What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
38. What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
39. If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
40. Describe a perfect day:
41. What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
42. Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel?
43. What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
44. Is there anything you wish your parents had done differently about the adoption?
45. If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
46. What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
47. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
48. What’s the one question we should’ve asked but didn’t?
49. Is there anything else you want us to know about what it’s like to have an adopted sibling?
50. Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
Name: (real names will not be used publicly...we've been changing the names to protect the privacy of all the kids.)
Age:
How many kids are in your family?
How many are adopted?
Age of adopted sibling(s):
How long has your adopted sibling been home?
Does your adopted sibling have any special needs?
1. What should we know about you?
2. Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
3. What should we know about your adopted sibling?
4. What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you?
5. What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
6. What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
7. How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
8. What surprised you the most about your sibling?
9. What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
10. Is it different having an adopted sibling than a biological one? If yes, how?
11. How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
12. Do you like hanging out with your sibling?
13. What is your favorite memory of your sibling?
14. Do you ever imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling? If yes, what do you think about?
15. What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
16. Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family? Why or why not?
17. What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
18. What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
19. How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
20. Do other family members treat your sibling differently? How does that make you feel?
21. What are some words or phrases you use the most?
22. Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
23. Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
24. Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
25. Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
26. Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
27. Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
28. If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
29. How do your friends treat your sibling?
30. What annoys you the most (if anything) about how people treat your sibling?
31. Do you think you’ll ever adopt a child?
32. If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
33. What makes you proud of your sibling?
34. What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
35. Do you ever feel invisible?
36. What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
37. What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
38. What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
39. If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
40. Describe a perfect day:
41. What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
42. Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel?
43. What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
44. Is there anything you wish your parents had done differently about the adoption?
45. If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
46. What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
47. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
48. What’s the one question we should’ve asked but didn’t?
49. Is there anything else you want us to know about what it’s like to have an adopted sibling?
50. Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric:
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