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(Names have been changed to protect privacy)

Age/sex:  16 year old girl
How many kids are in your family? Five, ages 7 - 20
How many are adopted? Two
Age of adopted sibling(s): Anna, 12, from Russia and Nina, 7, from Ukraine
How long has your adopted sibling been home? Anna has been home seven yrs. Nina has been home a little over a year and a half.
Does your adopted sibling have any special needs? Anna has Turners Syndrome, and FAE/S. She had RAD when she came home. Nina had/has CranioStinosis, had failure to thrive, had institutional autism, and has developmental delays. She is non-verbal.

What should we know about you?
I’m not very gregarious, and touch is not my primary love language. I have an artistic temperament. I’m rather dramatic--not usually a good thing. I sometimes obsess over things that aren’t worth obsessing over. I’m pretty compassionate: If some one's kid is in the hospital, I immediately ask what to do to help. I’m really good with figuring out Nina. I’m a good physical problem solver. I’m useful with my hands.

Describe yourself to someone who can’t see you.
Medium height- (five three, or five four). Brown hair, in a braid past my waist, most days. Brown/hazel eyes, nice thick, long eyelashes. A good complexion-not perfect, but good. Nice hairline. A nose that’s a regular nose, but a trifle more prominent than I’d like. Well proportioned lips, crooked teeth, my right lateral incisor esp. A good chin. I think I look pretty sweet, most of the time. I’ve been told I look very Ukrainian. I talk with an English accent.

What should we know about your adopted siblings?
Anna was the favourite in her orphanage group. She thought she could boss the world. She expected everyone to abandon her.She’s a carrier for impetigo. Nina was the underdog in her orphanage group, severely abused, neglected and starved. She is surprised by kindness, and thinks the world a scary place.

What did you think when your parents first talked to you about adoption? How was it explained to you? 
With Anna, I was just thrilled to know that I would get a little sibling. My parents tried to explain adoption, and that there would be difficulties, but it went over my head. With Nina, I didn’t want to adopt again. It looked pretty scary. But my mom and dad felt really strongly that God was telling them to do it, so I went along. I don’t think much explaining was necessary.

What did you think/feel as you waited for your sibling to come home?
With Anna, I thought how much fun it would be, to have a little sister. I pictured her out of a story book, with about as much emotional problems as “Anne” in “Anne of Green Gables”. I imagined taking her around by the hand and teaching her English, and comforting her when she had nightmares. My parents, esp. after the first trip, tried to disillusion me, but I had nine years of indoctrination to overcome. Most story-book children don’t have any issues to speak of. I just couldn’t fathom a damaged child. With Nina, I tried to imagine as little as possible. I was older and wiser, and had read true books about hurting kids, and didn’t expect niceness. My mum and dad chose to break the in-country time up into two, so my dad could come back and work. I would go to Ukraine with my mom to brink Nina home. When I saw the first pictures of her, I was horrified. She hadn’t looked so bad in the photo-listing. She looked like a cancer patient.

What were your first thoughts/feelings when you met your new sibling?
I was happy to see Anna, but I was happier to see my parents and baby brother again. I thought she was cute. She was. On the outside. I have the moment of meeting Nina on video, and my first words were “She’s so bony!” My mum has a picture of me lifting Nina into the air, lion-king style, and we’re both smiling. She put it on FB, and everyone was like “Aww, love at first sight!” I didn’t say so on FB--let them keep their bubble--but I totally did NOT love her! She was just a scrawny kid with a mis-shapen head.. I lifted her up because she was so light, and I didn’t know what else to do with her.

How did your life change when your new sibling came home?
It was all roses with Anna on the way home from the airport, until five minutes were up and she wanted to unbuckle. Then I was treated to constant screaming for the whole hour ride home. It foreshadowed things to come: A manipulative, hurting, independent kid who seemed to *want* you to dump her, and would do everything in her power to try to get you to do it. It didn’t change so very drastically when Nina came home: I had a few weeks in country to get used to her. But it was like having a baby with the height and motor skills of a seven year old. The screaming was hard, though. The worst thing was her aggression towards my brother, to the point of blood.

What surprised you the most about your sibling?
How cutesy Anna could be to someone outside the family, and how devilish to us. She was the complete opposite of my dream. It hurt worse than getting just socks for Christmas, but it was something like that. I was surprised how *happy* Nina was, even though her stress level was incredibly high. Also that she was frightened of pigeons.

What’s the best advice you’ve given or been given?
I was really upset one night, when Nina woke me up screaming hysterically. I was so, so angry. And I was like “God!” That’s all I could pray. And He said “Do you love her?” I said yes, because I do. And He said “Then lay down your life for her.” And made me to understand that the way to do this more than once was to not place my quality of life above hers. To lay down my quality of life.

Is it different being the sibling of an adopted brother/sister than biological? If yes, how?
It’s different because I don’t understand their history. Anna esp, because of her FAE/S can’t consciously remember anything about her past. She just reacts to it. So it looks like a really random response. With Nina, we can at least play “20 questions” to a limited extent, with her signing “yes” and “no”.

What do you tell your friends about your sibling?
I don’t really explain Anna’s being adopted to anyone: I don’t usually think about it. I might say that she’s forgetful, or brag on her skills as a teacher. She taught my little brother to ride bike on a gravel drive, uphill, in the middle of winter! Nina requires more explaining, because she acts and looks more a-typical. I say she was adopted from Ukraine, where she was abused and neglected, and at age six a little over a year ago was wearing size 3t clothing, and they bagged on her.

How would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
I don’t like Anna, and it shows. I find her annoying and stupid. Her love language is defiantly touch, and while I’m fine with a good, solid hug and kiss, there’s something sticky about her affection. When she cries, I usually think she’s faking it. I don’t trust her. And her FAE/S doesn’t help matters. I have a hard time beating it through my head that the sabotage, the lying, the manipulation and everything was because she was hurting. I’m trying to love her, with God’s help, but progress is slow. Nina is more like what I dreamed Anna would be like. Not that being lifted out of bed at two in the morning by a kid having a flash-back is fun: or holding a shaking kid, whose climbing your head and screaming at the top of her lungs because she saw a gnat: But there is no artifice about Nina. The hardest time to love her was she was hurting my brother to the point of blood , because I love him, too.

Do you like hanging out with your sibling? Anna? Not really. I will watch a video with her, or help her with her drawing or music, though. I can’t really “hang out” with Nina, yet.

Got any good stories about your sibling?
Before her second Christmas with us, Anna was pestering us about what she would get. She was *wriggling* with curiosity. And so we all began to tease her, saying that all she’d get was a paperclip. She didn’t believe us! She said we’d never, ever give her a paperclip, we wouldn’t *dare*. So we promptly decided among ourselves to do just that. Come Christmas Day, she was very smug to see that she had multiple gifts, and none of them paperclip sized. After she had opened all her presents, we handed her one last package, a small gift bag. She was so shocked and flabbergasted to find a paperclip among the tissue paper! It was priceless, and started a new tradition. She pretends to be annoyed about it, but she’d be disappointed if we didn’t deliver. Last year I gave her a beaded keychain with a paperclip on the end.

Can you imagine what life would be like if your family hadn’t adopted your sibling?
I can’t really imagine life without Anna, she’s been with us so long. I know we wouldn’t have staph and strep as often as we do: She’s a carrier for impetigo. But my brother wouldn’t have a playmate, either. And if we hadn’t adopted her, she’d be in a mental institution or dead. Also, she’s teaching me that love is a choice. Our lives would definitely be *a lot* easier without Nina, but we love her to pieces. I don’t think I’d be as mature as I am if we hadn’t adopted. I’ve learned a lot about patience that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

What’s the nicest thing someone has done for (or said to) you?
When I was going through an unbelievably difficult time in my life, when I was 11 or 12 or so, a boy in my Sunday-School class complimented my artistic skills several times, without being the least bit silly about it. It was an encouraging word when I needed it most.

Was it easy to adjust to having your new sibling in the family?
With Anna, NO! Not so hard with Nina.

What are some advantages – good parts - of having an adopted sibling?
If it’s an international adoption, you get to learn a lot about another culture. I even got to go to Ukraine, and I know some Russian. Because of Anna’s being adopted from Russia, our whole family got to attend an Easter party at the Russian Embassy in Washington D.C. If your sibling has a disability, you’ll probably learn a lot of medical terms. Because Nina is nonverbal, I know 60-some words in ASL, which counts as a 2nd language. Because of her Craniostinosis, I also got to meet Dr. Ben Carson, who is possibly the most famous neurosurgeon in the world. He even has his own movie, “Gifted Hands”. I have learned not to immediately assume bad parenting whenever I see a poorly behaved child.

What are some disadvantages – not so good parts – of having an adopted sibling?
They naturally get a lot of attention, esp. at first. If they have a disability, they get even more. If you need attention, talk to your parents about it, don’t act out. Also, you and your family have to clean up whatever mess other people have made of your new sibling’s life. Like if someone convinced them that goldfish are dangerous, you’re going to have to deal with that.

How has your family life changed through adopting a child?
When we adopted Anna, I went in 6 months from being the youngest, to being one of the two oldest, on account of my brother being born. My life was in such upheaval, I hardly remember everything that changed with her addition. But I remember there was a lot more stress. Our life changed with Nina, because she required constant supervision. Think of a baby or toddler, on legs. And she was so mean to my brother, trying to defend her “territory”, that being mom and dad, that it altered his personality. We’ve always homeschooled, but we had to send her to Public School just to give him a break. Our lives pretty much revolve around Nina. When she’s home, we don’t get out much, and we have to check on her every five minutes or so. Almost all our conversations are about Nina.

Do other family members treat your sibling differently?
Not really. I mean, they have some issues that no one else in our family has, not because they were adopted, but because they had to wait so long before being adopted. So they react to things differently than my bio siblings do. Nina has a fear of being usurped from her place of love in our lives; Anna has a fear of not being in control.

What are some words or phrases you use the most?
My parents say I don’t have anything like that.

Knowing what you know now, would your reaction have been different if your parents told you they’re going to adopt a child?
For Anna, totally. A little less amused, more horrified. But I couldn’t even comprehend that level of hurt. For Nina, that was only a year and a half ago: I haven’t changed that much. If I had known, though, how hard it would be to be her big sister, I might have been more reluctant. But I would have still helped out, because God told my parents that she was the one, and it doesn’t really work to fight God.

Has your sibling ever embarrassed you? How?
I don’t really find Nina embarrassing.  YES for Anna!  She asks questions way below her age level, without thinking about the answer.It’s probably her FAE/S, but still embarrassing. And whenever she’s excited or thoughtful she quivers and kneads her nose with her knuckles. Which can be pretty gross, because she gets impetigo whenever her immune system is stressed, and she’s not always good about wiping her nose.

Does your sibling ever frustrate you? How?
Anna doesn’t listen to advice. She has to find things out herself. I feel frustrated with Nina when I can’t figure out why she’s fussing. And when she tucks things away because she thinks she’s cleaning up, and we can’t find them. We’ve lost library books.

Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you smile? What?
Because of Anna's FAE/S memory issues, she’s really easy to surprise. Nina is very anxious if any of our buttons need buttoning. I was sick, one time, and she comes over and puts socks on my feet and snaps up my house-coat and worried that the snaps weren’t closer together. She’s so maternal, that way.

Is there anything about your sibling that just makes you angry? What?
Anna gets impetigo when her immune system gets stressed. Usually it’s her fault; she snuck some dairy, or wouldn’t sleep, or didn’t take her supplements. And whenever she gets impetigo, I get cold sores, and sore throats, and we all get staph related infections. And what makes me mad is that when we try to talk to her about it, and try to teach her habits to keep her from infecting us, she bursts into tears and wails that it isn’t her fault, and why does she have to get impetigo, and stop it we’re making her cry. >sigh<

Do you think being a sibling has affected your personality? How?
I’ve been forced to learn to be more tolerant than I would have been otherwise.

If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
If you’re excluding Deity, I’d pick Benjaman Franklin. I’d give him a piece of my mind regarding Daylight Savings Time.

How do your friends treat your sibling? 
My friends all pray for Nina. They don’t have so much to do with Anna.

What annoys you the most about how people treat your sibling?
It doesn’t happen anymore, but for a while my best friend seemed to like Anna more than me. It really made me mad; I was so insecure.

If you could change just one thing about your sibling, what would it be?
Anna wouldn’t have FAE/S. And Nina would talk.

What makes you proud of your sibling?
Anna is a *great* teacher. She teaches my brother to read by playing school! Nina is a great helper in the kitchen. She loves to work.

What has been your happiest moment in life (so far)?
My little brother being born.

Do you ever feel invisible?
Not for about a year now.

What is your favorite thing about your adopted sibling?
Anna never gets the stomach bug. Nina is so happy, usually.

What is the hardest thing about having an adopted sibling?
The problems they have that other people caused.

What life lesson have you learned from having an adopted sibling?
Love is a choice.

If you had one wish for your adopted sibling, what would it be?
That Anna would learn to take advice. If she would, she could be nearly anything. That Nina would learn to talk.

Describe a perfect day:
I have so many lovely things I like doing,that I don’t think I could condense them into one day. Probably it would have lots of being outside, a “Libera” concert, chocolate cake, and thrift/vintage shopping.

What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked about your sibling?
It isn’t exactly a question, but I’ve been assumed to be Nina’s mother.

Do your parents include you in discussions about your sibling? How does that make you feel? Definitely with Nina. I like being a part of their discussions. I end up babysitting a lot, so we all need to be on the same page. Not so much with Anna. I’m sort of nosy, so I’d like to know what they’re talking about.

What do you see for your sibling’s future? What part do you think you’ll play in that future?
As I said before, If Anna would learn to listen to advice, she could go far. She wants to be a physical therapist, and work with little kids. I don’t think I’ll have to do much for her. Even if Nina would never learn to talk, she’s smart enough that she could easily be a kitchen helper. She could live fairly independently, I think. I’ll help her as much as I have to.

If your best friend told you his/her family is going to adopt a child, what would your reaction be? What advice would you give your friend?
I’d be incredulous: My best friends parents don’t want to adopt. But I’d tell her not to expect a perfect sibling; but neither to expect a heathen. I’d say that love is a choice, and don’t expect to feel loving the first six months.

What would you think if your parents told you they’re going to adopt again?
I’d sigh, and ask who?

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
The world is changing so rapidly, It’s hard for me to make any accurate predictions.

What’s the one question we should’ve asked but didn’t?
Would we ever want to adopt a child ourselves?

Leave us with your favorite quote, Scripture, poem or song lyric: 

“It is better to be late than Late” ~Mma Ramotswe, The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency

“Men of God are without nationality and shouldn’t be confused with the governments they are said to represent.”~Father, The Road From Home